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Today's Featured Biography

 
Tim Turner

Right out of high school I was accepted as apprentice in the Greek mafia. It was a good gig and as a bonus I was able to carry guns and a satellite phone. Apparently they needed blonde hair, blued-eyed boys to front the organization in the western deserts of America. After eight months of intensive training in Thessaloniki I was sent to work under a don in Las Vegas named Triffin. Triffin was a decent chap, who gave me a room in his house and simple jobs like running drugs between the border, Vegas, and Denver. Luckily, I never had to cross into Mexico as another runner (Benny) had that job. We always met on the inside for the transfer, just across the fortified line separating the hills of Juarez from the hills of El Paso.

I did that for about six years until one evening when Triffin’s beautiful wife, who was also a serious crack addict, showed up at my door in a dressing gown that would break the will of anyone, man or woman. Needless to say I spent the next six years on the lam hiding out in the ass cracks of the world as well as operating an organic American hamburger stand in Quingdao, and a sea kayaking operation out of Kupang. But, of course, no one can escape the tentacles of the Greek mafia.

Thus, after ten years on the run the Feds approached me and offered me a deal. They also informed me that the last night of my time in the Greek mafia a love child was spawned. It was for the good of this child that I talked openly and honestly with them to bring down the western American branch. This would mean Triffin, who was a good guy as I mentioned earlier, would spend the rest of his days playing pinochle with Ramsey Yosef in the SuperMax sprawling across Canon City.

I reluctantly talked. My mouth went on for two long weeks at the Interpol offices in Lyon. It was good to get everything on the table. Since then I have been in the witness relocation program with a new name and living in an undisclosed location. It is here I met my wonderful wife. Together we have two children and love to bicycle, surf, and travel.

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