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Today's Featured Biography

 
Cory Hays

It started not long after graduation...I decide to give up all my worldly possessions and move to ethiopia to be at one with the people, but some how I just didn't fit in there. I then moved to Alaska where I caught crabs...man that was a challenge. Those little suckers are just itching for freedom. After my short battle catching crabs off the Alaskan coast I decided it was time to do something different so I joined the Navy, and wouldn't you know it, I was catching crabs there, too. Only it was off the coast of some third world country called Canada...don't worry if you haven't heard of it. I still can't find it on a map. Anyway, the opportunity came up to join a little know boy band from back home...That's right I was the front man for Gentle Touch. We never really hit it big, but man did we sucker every fool that ever invested in us. Actually, I was the only one in the band with any talent. You may or may not have seen my solo albulm...Humming Bird....I set a studio up in my truck and hummed to every song on the radio...It actually hit rock bottom. I sold two records, well ok I didn't exactly sell them but I traded them for a Krystal Burger...Ok I didn't exactly trade them I gave them to another homeless guy so I could stand on his back to get in the dumpster. Anyway, I now live in the park behind the library and sleep on the benches. Don't worry I am fine...I have learned to deal with the bitter cold during the winter by using every penny I find to by bottles upon bottles of Thunderbird, Night Train, or Mad Dog 20/20....The shakes from the cold are not nearly as bad as the shakes from not getting a little snort of booze....Man I can't wait for the reunion....

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