Today's Featured Biography

Craig Martin

Since graduation I joined the French foreign legion. I was kicked out for only speaking Dutch... Go figure, frenchies. I then went out to Hollywood were I tried to be a male-model but as you all know I am not that good looking. The only work I ever got was "Body By Budweiser" posters. I ended up working as the hamburgular in a tour of Ronald McDonald and friends for 10 years...Justus became Grimus in my 3rd season...he left to star in a show in Vegas. Soon after I joined him and I opened a small Gyro shop on the strip called Craig's Meat on A stick. It didn't last long when they found out that I was serving dog. Chris Scott was my best customer for years though. He likes dogs. Now I sell scooters at the local Honda dealership hear in Anchorage, business is really slow as they don't get around good in the snow. Lori and I are saving however to hopefully one day open a beach resort near Juno. Last week I was gorged by an Alaskan wild fanged chipmunk, they are known to knaw off knee caps. Luckily I had my twelve gauge and I got the little punk with the sixth shot, unfortunately the other five caught me in the leg, chest, and neck area. The doc says that I will be swimming with dolphins again in 6 to 7 years so I have that going for me also...which is sweet. I was nominated for an award called a DUI last month and they gave me a free room for the night...that was pretty cool but my roomate kept wanting to spoon, which I thought was a little weird. I have been thinking of either attending some classes at Bahner college of hairstyling or maybe joining the CIA, or med school, I don't know which ever comes easiest I guess. Well I guess I should get back to my stove I smelled gas in the kitchen today luckily I duck taped the pipes last night. Oh don't worry all the kids sleep in the Barn till they potty train themselves. They are all over twelve so I am a little worried about that. Thank gosh I had that supply of depends from Jonaitis. Crap got to go Lil Bob just put one of the twins in the wolverine cage again.

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